


Your classical never have I ever

by Bagel_San



Category: Astral Chain (Video Game)
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Multi, Never Have I Ever, and very ashamed, have fun I guess, involving loads of unnecessary dirty stuff, second hand embarrassment, that's just how it goes, trans hal, your classical never have I ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 01:14:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20648786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bagel_San/pseuds/Bagel_San
Summary: In which everyone regrets that their dear hero and Hal drink alcohol because they both go complete ape-shit.





	Your classical never have I ever

**Author's Note:**

> It's an unspoken rule that every fandom needs a dirty never have I ever and I'm here to provide (and be hated by purity police I guess?? I'm long over caring about this) the horny gays.
> 
> This features topics such as sex and masturbation and a little transphobia, so if you're not comfortable with it, better don't read!!! Just warning you ^^
> 
> Also English is not my first language so pls forgive me my mistakes asdfghjkl ofc this ain't written too well because I was like lol let's write this IMMEDIATELY after my first playthrough and I wrote most of it in like a day so sdflghjk also forgive my writing, I'm usually better but I personally like this because it's hilarious and everybody gets shamed smh  
Which is just what's needed in never have I ever fics.
> 
> There's not actual reason why I hc Hal as trans I just hc my fav as trans all the time I'm sorry asdfghjkl

I was pretty much sure that Olive would regret this in the end.

Throwing a party because we’d beaten Yoseph and Noah was one thing. Playing never have I ever was a completely other thing though.  
Almost everyone had left by now. It was only me, my sister, Brenda, Olive – of course, she was the host after all -, Alicia, Jin (who was not here on free will) and Marie.

“Let’s sit down. We’re still waiting for one person”, Olive said, placing the two bottles of vodka in the middle of the room. I was not a person for drinking.

I really had never actually done it – Max had always been way too overprotective of us to allow that. And then, at Neuron, I simply hadn’t had the time to do so.  
Or the actual longing to do so.

“Who is that supposed to be?”, Jin asked, “I just want to go home. Honestly, Alicia and I are way too old for this stupid game anyways. We’ve probably done way more than you have anyways.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that”, Brenda sighed, already having lost some of inhibitions due to drinking some shots with Olive.

I was confused.  
I’d never played this game, yet Akira looked so eager to play it.

She’d hidden the cat asylum from me, together with Max. Who knew what else she had been hiding.

“Seriously, who are we waiting for? Let’s get started”, she exclaimed, falling down next to me, a glass already in her hand.

I couldn’t come up with a single person she had invited. Even Alan was gone. And Alan was totally a party person.  
Well, even he was tired out sometimes.

“I’m not quite sure if he’ll actually come, but I did have some good arguments, so-“

The door opened just a creak when she said that.  
I stared at it, but couldn’t make out a person behind it. Obviously not. That little slit was not enough to recognize anyone.  
And I definitely didn’t want to turn on my Iris for something simple like this.

“Come in, man! We don’t bite!”, Alicia shouted, but the door only opened a little bit more, so she stood up and opened it all at once.

At first, I didn’t recognize the person stumbling into the room at all.  
Yellow outfit, prosthetic arms and legs and ash brown hair with yellow tips.  
Until I remembered the photo on TV when Hal, Brenda and Olive were being searched for.  
Obviously.  
Prosthetics.  
Who else would it be?

“Hal…?”, Akira asked, probably as confused as I was.

He looked at her pretty much bewildered, as if she would shoot him any second.  
But he had been pretty much self-confident as a drone, hadn’t he? Olive had mentioned something along the lines of him having never really showed up at Neuron though. So that was probably… yes.  
Olive sighed and walked over to him.

“You’ve come this far, now sit down and play with us, idiot. You probably know all those people way better than the other way around anyways.”

Hal held back his arm when Olive tried to grab it in order to pull him along.

“B-but, I can’t just… not now… I mean…”

“Sit down here”, I said, surprising myself. Had I even meant to say that? I didn’t know. But I knew how he really was when he felt safe. So it wasn’t as if I didn’t like him.  
Really, though, I liked him quite a bit.  
A little bit more than how I was supposed to.

“You heard him”, Olive laughed, “now go. Like the disaster guy you are.”

Hal only managed to nod, then he slowly sat down next to me. Very slowly.  
His prosthetics didn’t make a single sound.

“Exchange the u in guy for an a, by the way”, Olive mumbled, causing Hal to jump up.

It took me quite a few moments to understand that. When I finally did, my mouth dropped open.

“Welcome to the club of non-straights, then”, Brenda said, sliding down into the sofa next to Olive. Akira opened her mouth, but I cut her off.  
Of course she knew about how I had somehow taken a… liking in Hal… so to say.

“So… this is you… but in real.” I just wanted to talk to him like I always had. It shouldn’t really be any different now, right?

He nodded again, looking at his hands as if other things didn’t exist.  
Oh well. He really was socially awkward after all. Not that I was too different.

“Y…yes”, he pressed out, his voice even quieter than before, “I guess.”

I looked at his legs and arms again.

“And those work? And don’t even make a sound?”

He didn’t even dare look at me. Oh dear, this would be an awkward evening. 

“You’re really bad at smalltalk”, Akira whispered, close to my ear. I knew that. She didn’t need to tell me.

And she was the younger one of us.

“Uhm… are you seriously asking me that? The dude who came back from the death is actually asking me… that?”

“Crap, why does this smalltalk work on him?”, Akira whispered again and I had to laugh. Maybe that was because both of us were absolute disasters.

“Uhm… I’m interested, so… yes…?”

“You can talk about that later”, Alicia laughed, handing all of us a glass, “we’re going to play this game for which I’m way too old now just to embarrass ourselves and then never look at each other again.”

“Ah nooo”, Marie said, already pouring vodka in for all of us – just assuming we would all have to drink – which I was doubting. Really embarrassing questions would probably never come up anyways. Sure, we were friends, but we weren’t the type of people to go into intimate details.  
At least I hoped so.  
I looked at him again, but he kept looking down. Everywhere, but not at me.

“So, you’re Hal who’s saved our dear hero a few times? Cool outfit.”

Jin was slowly approaching us and Olive on the sofa just shook her head at him.

“You can’t go and make Hal compliments. He’ll either go into full nerd mode or well… this happens.”

He looked like a fucking stone.  
A true stone.  
As if some Chimera had turned him into a stone that would never be able to move again.

“Any other rules for dealing with this mess, Olive?”, Brenda asked, cocking an eyebrow at her and then shooting another glance at Hal, who was more than nervous by now.  
Jin just grinned and walked back to his place next to Alicia.

“Don’t touch him. If you do, only do it when he’s drunk. Don’t say anything too nice and god beware, nothing mean. Except for me. I’m allowed to tease him cause he’s my kindergarten buddy, ok?”

We all just kinda nodded and Hal just kinda… nodded too. 

“Ok, Hal, you go and start.”

I thought that maybe Alicia had already gone too far with him.

“What am I supposed to say?”

“Something you haven’t done”, Akira explained, “can be anything. I mean, the most classical thing is when a virgin-“

“Never have I ever had sex, no surprise, I know-“

“Ok, what the fuck, Hal”, Olive chuckled, then took her glass and chucked it down.

Oh well.  
Yeah, I would not drink. I really hoped that Hal and I weren’t the only virgins in this room. But Akira-  
And there went her vodka.

“What?”, I gasped and she just grinned, raising a finger to her lips, “you don’t need to know everything, really. You may be my brother, but this is nothing that concerns you.”

I sighed, looking at how everyone drank except for Hal, me and… Marie.  
Good god, at least her.

“You three are virgins? Really though? I mean, Hal, and our dear savior and Marie, too, are not really ugly. Ok, Hal is no surprise. He wouldn’t even confess his love even if he wanted to really badly”, Olive added, filling vodka into the other’s glasses.

“I- with whom?”, the man next to me stuttered, “all of this is just… awkward! It was such a bad decision that I came, honestly-“

“No”, I objected, “I’m glad.”

Akira next to me buried her face in her left hand.  
I cursed her.  
I knew that I was too obvious.

“I mean… I’ve only ever seen you as a hologram and then on TV when they were searching for you, but I’ve never actually seen you in reality! You’re smaller than I would have imagined, really.”

Hal sighed and then he did something I hadn’t expected ever.  
He smiled.  
And I really loved how it looked on him. He was wearing this mask, but still, his whole face seemed to be lit up suddenly.

“Ok, ok, it’s getting really gay in here”, Alicia exclaimed, raising her hands, then pointing at herself, “I’m gonna continue. Never have I ever… been caught masturbating.”

Oh.  
Oh.  
Oh god no.  
Dark memories resurfaced.  
Marie was the first one to raise her drink with a slightly shaking hand and down it. Well, that was awkward.  
Olive followed, pretty much avoiding Brenda’s gaze. Brenda shook her head in despair and that told me everything I needed to know about which situation they had gotten into.

“Drink”, Akira hissed, “your own fault.”

Oh god no. More dark memories.

“Oh, you got a story to tell us, here?”, Alicia sang, looking at Akira and me.

“Not happening!”, we snapped at the same time, then she added a pretty much pissed ‘worst moment of my life, damnit’, right before smashing that glass of vodka to my lips.  
Why were those people like this?  
Didn’t those games usually start with simple things like ‘Never have I ever eaten French food’ or something like that?  
Neuron was too special for even that, apparently.

“…I don’t want to”, Hal mumbled, “I’ve never even drunk vodka.”

“Wait a moment”, Jin sighed, already done with his life, “are you telling me-“

“Just down it”, Akira said, “it doesn’t taste too good. Just do it. I’m betting my ass you’re really innocent otherwise. You don’t need to drink too much anyways. And happened to others here as well, huh, Marie?”

“Not my fault!”, she snapped, then had to giggle, “it was quite an experience though.”

“Weird fetish girl”, Olive sighed, a smile on her lips though.

We really had become some kind of family here.  
At least that.  
A thought made its way into my brain that I immediately tried to ban. No, nothing about Hal and catching people thoughts this night.  
Nothing about them.

“I’ll continue to make more than one person in here drink”, Marie said, grinning evilly now, “never have I ever had a crush on someone in this room.”

“Coward, you need to drink again~”

“Akira, would you please shut up”, I muttered, already at the end of my nerves. I wanted to go to sleep. This was too much for me anyways.  
I drank it, Hal pretty clearly staring at me. I tried to ignore it. Not good. He was more than clever enough to figure this out and I could have betted on that. But well, maybe he… wouldn’t.  
A stupid, hopeless thought.

“Didn’t think this crap would ever see the daylight just because of a stupid game like this.”

We all just kind of stared at Jin when he raised his glass.

“Cheers”, Brenda sighed, lightly hitting her own glass against his, leaving all of us speechless.  
It wasn’t the two, was it?

“Fuck”, Olive mumbled, also drinking.

“Uhm, I’ve got another question”, Hal interrupted our despair, “if it’s two persons for me, do I need to drink two glasses- I should have just kept my mouth shut, right?”

His cheeks immediately became red, proving that, while he looked like a complete cyborg, he probably wasn’t one.  
God, it was too cute for me.

“I mean, one of them is obvious”, Olive pointed out, then she suddenly became really quiet, “…oh. Oh, Hal. I’m so sorry, really”

He just smiled at her, kind of breaking my heart and kind of making me want to beat up Olive (for no actual reason, of course. It was more than obvious he didn’t like her like that anymore.).

“It’s ok, Olli. It was a very long time ago. However… keep your mouth shut.”

I felt like he was slowly getting a little used to us being around. Or at least he seemed pretty open.  
Or he just didn’t know enough about social interaction to judge what information he could share and what not.  
But seeing him like this just made me like him even more. He was terribly cute.  
He smelled good-

“Come back, damnit, where are you?”, Akira whispered.

She just kept whispering to me today, huh?

“Y-yeah… never mind… only drink once, Hal.”

Who was the second person anyways?  
He nodded, knocking back another drink.  
Oh well, I totally pitied him.

“You’re such a disaster gay”, Akira said, though I didn’t quite know if it was at Hal or at me. Was Hal even gay? Olive had called him gay, but he had also had a crush on her, so…?

“Which is why I’m going to smash at least half the people in this room”, she added, starting to smile now, “never have I ever had a gay thought.”

“Can we agree on being siblings that hate each other now?”, I asked her and her smile turned into a full on grin, then she raised the glass for me.

“Drink now, disaster gay number two in this room.”

I did. It was disgusting.

“Why did I even come here?”, Hal asked, also about as pissed as I was. At least that made two of us.

All of them made us drink on purpose, right?  
They probably did and I cursed them.  
I usually loved all those people. I really did. But this, like here, was just… no.

“Come on, you’re not the only ones suffering here!”, Olive shouted, raising her own glass, then dropping her mouth when Brenda frowned at the bitter alcohol on her tongue.  
“Brenda, this makes the whole catching someone doing certain… stuff a lot worse! Why didn’t you ever try to tell me? It’s ok if you’re a lesbian-“

“You’re the one raising your drink here”, Brenda said, dropping her head on Olive’s shoulder now.

Ok. All of us really were gay here.

“At least be honest to yourselves, my god”, Alicia said, downing her drink, then grinning at a very shocked Jin.

“Never had a girlfriend, Jin. But gay thoughts for sure.”

Everyone was just confused by now and I noticed that it was my turn and I really didn’t know what I was supposed to say.  
There were too many things I hadn’t done.

“Alicia, we will have a very long conversation tomorrow.”

I think it was the alcohol that made me say that. I was not the person to actually talk a lot or to even mention words like those.  
“Never have I ever fingered a pussy.”  
Akira stared at me, almost dropping the glass she had just raised.  
“You’ll never drink anything ever again and I’ll make that sure. I swear, you’re not let close to alcohol another time.”  
She held up the glass again.  
“Well, then, girls. Let’s drink!”  
Right. It was stupid. Of course all the girls would have-  
Why was I even surprised at Jin raising his glass? He was twenty-nine. Of course he had had a girlfriend or something. Marie didn’t surprise me. She’d been caught so-  
Everyone went silent.  
Suddenly, without a warning, there was no sound anymore.  
And then there was Olive. Laughing out loud and stuttering an ‘oh well, sorry’ at someone and-  
Hal was raising his glass.  
“Wait a moment”, Akira muttered, “I’m not following here. Hal, aren’t you a virgin-“  
“Let’s not talk about that!”, he cried, drinking the alcohol once again.  
“Exactly. Let’s rather talk about how I’m already out-“  
“Olive, not working. Explain this or else I’m questioning my whole life.”  
Yeah, my sister was also definitely drunk by now. All of us kind of were.  
I was confused.  
I probably shouldn’t pity myself when Hal was sliding his fingers below his mask in order to wipe away a tear.  
“You two aren’t let close to alcohol again”, Jin agreed with Akira, then looking at Hal, “must be a mistake, huh? You don’t need to drink for the ne-“  
“Leave him be”, Olive sighed, “it’s some kind of a bad childhood experience that he probably doesn’t want to talk about. Bullying and stuff. Not a nice thing to happen to a kid.”  
I wasn’t following at all.  
“Waiiiiiit.”  
I looked at Akira. Did she have an explanation? I definitely needed one. He was a virgin. How did he…?  
“Oh god, is that it? I was like what the fuck, Hal, but then I realized you’re probably just trans. You’re fine here. Everyone is either really gay themselves or has gay friends. Really, don’t worry. If my brother isn’t the gayest and most accepting mess out here, then…”  
Hal was apparently already drunk enough to just pull off this (rather strange) mask of his. I wanted to hug him. But he would probably freak out.  
“Is that all? Don’t cry”, Marie said, walking over to us and sitting down right between us, causing Akira to sigh. At least someone supported my crush. Even though it was hopeless anyways.  
She put her hand around his shoulder as if it was the most normal thing on earth.  
Marie was about as dumb as I was, probably. But at least she had emotional intelligence. More than any of us.  
Hal didn’t back away.  
Not from her.  
God, was he in love with Marie? Was that it?  
“We’re never handing alcohol out to you and him ever again”, she said into my direction.  
Yes. I think we had understood that by now.  
I kind of loved Marie in this moment. She was always way too nice to everyone and then didn’t get any payback.  
“It’s ok”, he said, voice shaking, “I just… nobody hates me for it? Really?”  
“Why would we?”, I blurted out, just feeling the need to comfort him in some kind of way, “it’s ok, man. Really. You’re a really fine guy and overall, I was expecting something super dramatic now and just- the people who bullied you can-“  
“Eat dirt”, Akira finished, “if I’m ever to meet them, tell me who they are and I’m going to tease them a bit with my legions.”  
Hal chuckled.  
I was dying.  
That was it, my death.  
Goddamnit.  
“Thank all of you. Really.”  
He still didn’t back away from Marie.  
She had something calming about her, that was right. If there was someone who didn’t enjoy a good hug from Marie, this person must be complete nuts.  
Even if it was in her Lappy costume.  
“Marie is too nice, so I’ll do some Marie shaming now”, Jin laughed, also smiling at Hal encouragingly.  
I needed to talk to him later on about how it was completely ok by myself. Overall, I wanted to talk to him a bit more. Just like we had already talked, just him being in the form of a drone.  
But it should be no different now. I didn’t want him to be afraid of me.  
And… well, I definitely wanted to hug him just like Marie was right now.  
“Jin, you’re evil”, the girl said, slowly letting go of Hal now, only patting his metallic shoulder.  
“Never have I ever worn a fursuit.”  
He was also shaming me with that. Did he seriously think that Marie had fought against him in the Lappy costume? That had been me.  
Marie looked at me, then grinned, then we both downed the vodka. I was slowly starting to really feel it. Which was not good.  
I really didn’t want to confess my love to Hal on accident.  
“I was the one who fought against you, Jin”, I explained when he looked at me in complete shock, “I thought this was obvious though.”  
“Well… ok. Whatever… Olive, you’re already out of the game, but I’d say you should at least say one thing. Or else you’ll complain about it in the morning. And I’m not ready to listen to this.”  
“Me neither”, Alicia said, staring at Olive whose cheeks were clearly red.  
Well, she had drunk the most out of us till now.  
Was anyone else out already? I didn’t know. My brain was working way too slowly.  
“Hmm… then… never have I ever cried at titanic.”  
“What even is titanic?”, asked Hal, looking at Akira and Brenda in pure confusion when they raised their glasses with shaky hands and tears in their eyes.  
“Some kind of really old film”, I said, “the guy dies at the end and the girl is left alone. The classical, cringy romance stuff you always find in films from before 2030.”  
“…Ah. Not the stuff I’m into then.”  
“What do you watch?”, I asked out of pure curiosity.  
“…Anime.”  
“Oh, Anime can be very cool though! I wished there was a Lappy anime!”, Brenda joined our conversation, not the stiff doctor she usually was anymore, “but really, there are some cool things! Though a Lappy anime would be cool…”  
Her voice trailed off.  
Everyone here needed a bed.  
She buried her face in Olive’s shoulder, then hugging her randomly.  
“Is it my turn?”, she mumbled.  
“Yes, Brenda”, Olive answered, her cheeks even redder because of… the gay. It must have been the gay.  
“Then… never have I ever hidden a cat under my bed?”  
“Another person who shouldn’t drink.”  
“You’re absolutely right, Olive, though she got me there.”  
Akira drank and I just smiled. I loved how she kept acting as if she hated cats, but really, she loved them and would do everything for them if only possible.  
Everyone kept saying that cats were dangerous animals because of the red matter they often brought with them, but Akira and I had taken care of the cat room for some months now and I’ve never even felt a symptom of red shift.  
Really, cats were going to survive for so much longer than us.  
“I need a toilet.”  
Marie stood up, then she took Hal by his shoulders and pulled him towards me.  
This was not ok.  
“You take care of him. You’re not exactly sober, but at least you’re not eye-fucking like Brenda and Olive are over there. See you in a few minutes, Partner!”  
Drunk Marie totally acted like Lappy, apparently.  
Hal’s head lulled against my shoulder, but then he caught himself, all flustered.  
“I’m sorry! I really am! I- d-didn’t mean to… and… overall, uhm- my head’s just heavy and…”  
I felt my cheeks grow hot.  
“It’s ok, Hal. You… can lean against me, if you want to.”  
Akira started coughing. I thought that I was hearing a ‘gay’ inbetween all the coughs. No objections here because I totally was.  
“But- I…. I-“  
“Please”, I said.  
I was way too drunk to even care how I would regret this in the morning – way too drunk to even care about what I said next.  
“And please go on a date with me.”  
The whole room went silent.  
Akira buried her face in her hands once again.  
Olive tried not to laugh, I could see that very well.  
I felt my cheeks grow hot.  
This had been such a bad idea, really. Why the hell had I actually said that out aloud? He’d probably-  
“Hal, please say yes or I’m going to personally roast you together with your childhood bullies.”  
I thanked Akira.  
Internally. Of course I didn’t exactly want her to roast Hal, but on the other side I just really wanted to have a date with him or something because he was way cuter than he should be for a man who hid himself behind a drone.  
I felt something touch my shoulder, it was warm and-  
Hal’s nose.  
Hal’s nose was already turning me gay. Not that I hadn’t been gay before.  
“Ok, but we are not going to drink alcohol.”  
“Agreed. None of you should drink alcohol again”, Jin sighed then pointing at Hal, “dude, it’s your turn by the way.”  
He shifted his weight a little more onto me and I wondered why he would do that voluntarily, but a moment later he breathed in and then out really deeply.  
“He… fell asleep”, I stated, my whole body just screaming to hug him or pull him closer or stare at him until I would fall asleep myself.  
“You bring him to bed, then. That’s just a very natural conclusion. He falls asleep on you, you take care of him.”  
“Brenda”, Olive interfered, “that’s not a natural conclusion, it’s a gay conclusion.”


End file.
